Advice About First Relationship after Divorce

0
first relationship after divorce

A first relationship after divorce can be as exciting as it is frightening. Many people wonder if their first serious relationship after divorce can actually last or is doomed to flourish, while others just want to have fun after leaving a marriage.

repetition of the past

Dating coach Lori Gorshow warns newly single people not to jump into a marriage-like relationship for the sake of convenience. Relationships formed during and after a divorce tend to have many similarities to the previous marriage. Additionally, these new relationships share many of the same issues,” Gorshow explains. “The reason is simple. We choose our partners based on our level of comfort and ease with them. This does not happen on a conscious level. We don’t think our way through choosing a partner. Of course we let it happen. The problem arises when we realize that our ex’s same problems, concerns, and behaviors are eerily similar to our new partner’s.”

avoidance of repetition

It takes some self-examination to avoid repeating the same behaviors that led to the end of a marriage. The key, says Gorshow, is to learn from the past before moving on to the future. “The problem is not with the new person, the problem is with us. If we don’t learn from our past and actively change our behavior, we will repeat what we haven’t learned.” If you have learned from your past experiences, your 1st relationship after divorce will not be too soon.

Take it slow

Some people are shocked at how quickly the first post-divorce rebound relationship can move, even when they have the best of intentions to take things slow with their first post-divorce girlfriend (or boyfriend). Gorshow points to the above advice about not learning from the past as a possible explanation for why things are moving so quickly.

A successful relationship after the divorce

While a newly divorced person may feel that it is important to focus on themselves, a successful relationship requires considering the other person’s feelings and needs. “It’s important to look at the other person, to see and hear their thoughts, feelings, and concerns,” says Gorshow.

Don’t be afraid of confrontation

It’s also important not to fear confrontation – a common fear among those who have just left an explosive marriage fraught with arguments. “Struggles in a relationship are normal, but the ability to listen and problem-solve is important,” says Gorshow. “Another view is that the same skills are used to deal with problems and concerns regardless of the relationship between two people.”

lose luggage

It’s easy to fall into old habits when it comes to relationships, but projecting your anger or insecurities from your ex onto your new partner can spell disaster for the relationship. Do your best to see the new relationship for what it is: a new relationship with a new person. If you have to, constantly remind yourself, “(New partner) is not (Ex).” While a new partner certainly doesn’t guarantee a flawless relationship, your new partner deserves the opportunity to be with you, free of the psychological baggage of your previous marriage. This is the only way the new relationship has a chance of success.

It can work

Your first post-divorce relationship may turn out to be something wonderful and enduring — or it may just be another learning experience. In any case, post-divorce relationships can support the healing process.

© 2022 LoveToKnow Media. All rights reserved.

See more new articles in category: RELATIONSHIPS
Leave a comment